Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dodginess, and an ass Sir Mix Alot could write a song about.

 I recently was called by Folsom Dodge to come on in and see the new Challanger! I have been on pins and needles since I read Chrysler would be using the same platform as the 300, magnum (may she rest in peace) and the charger. There she sat a black Srt8 Challanger quietly threatening all lesser models with a look that says "Come to close and ill eat your children." First impression, Hells yea! You just know you are lookin at an American original no mistake. The walk around was fast I was giddy with anticipation could this finally be a credible mustang and soon Camero fighter for Dodge? Finally Challanger resurrected from the dead after a brief come back as a molested econo box in the 80s. Yes and back with a vengeance!

 Drenched in what should have been called Vader black this car looks lethal! Driver side view shows the classic long nose short thick deck required by the genre. Side views like this make you wanna grab your balls and say intelligent stuff like "who the fuck you talkin to!?" Moving to the rear the jewel like tail lights a clear nod to its 70s brethren make up an ass that would leave Sir Mix Alot himself scrambling for pen and paper. But at a Dodge dealer happiness doesn't last long, coming around to the passenger side window I reeled back right hand drawn to cover the horror from my disbelieving eyes! $50,000.00 that wasn't the price of the car, IT WAS THE MARK UP ! Holy shit! I quickly peeked past the sticker at the dash no indications of being personally blessed by the pope. Staggering to the Front I was regaining my composure when i saw the carbon fiber applique seemed to be raised or peeling at the edges? This is a new car right? Not a test mule? I am starting to feel sick again. 

I gathered myself and carried on and then it started happening, the dodginess wouldn't stop! Over the windshield about a 6 inch long by 2 inch long rub spot wore through clear coat (from shipping?). This car was on the show room floor with a doubled price tag after detail and the paint was fucked up! Fighting the urge to assault random sales people I soldiered on keep looking for the good I said to myself. From any angle (And 20 feet back.) this thing does look good ignoring the pimple on the roof the style is just spot on and everything it needed to be. I moved to the moment of truth opening the drivers side door I was greeted by exactly what I was hoping a weighty feel! Leather smells wafted to me as I slid back the Black leather with Hemi orange accented seat and raised the tilt and telescoping Steering wheel. Read that one again Ford and Chevy TILT AND TELESCOPING YOU BASTARDS!)  I pulled the door closed I FIT! 

I am starting to feel better. The buckets are supportive and comfy and dare I say This car is roomy!? I found the dash a bit on the cheap side and they lost the show cars cool engine piston top gauge cluster but hey this is a sports car not a Cadillac then I looked to the passenger side.... NO Fn Way ! the Srt8 badge was popped out at the corner and flopping at me I was disgusted. This is almost as bad as.... as the time I went to a strip club and noticed the girl in front of me had a string dangling. Its these Details that make or break a car and even at regular price, a sale! Disappointment setting in I reminded myself this is an early first run car. I wanted this so bad for Dodge. A name plate with history to back it, The look an American car should have and a big time v8 with all the rear drive awesomeness a guy like me needs but alas I got well a Dodge! All I can do is eat less, exercise and maybe donate a few inches from my leg bones and hope I will someday fit in a mustang. Damn you dodge boys and your miss begotten white hats!  


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