Totally stached

Ok not totally tonight when I get home I will endure my first stach photo shoot. I have attempted playing music directly into my upper lip, gentle massages , moonlight walks, acupuncture, and being blonde is not helping! I feel after viewing Petes posse of lip pube greatness I am am just not meant to be the Tom Seleck rock star mustache ride ticket seller we all wish to be. My path may lay else were perhaps in side burns or a classy mohawk? I haven't shaved the upper (or lower for that matter) lip since the beginning of the contest and in just the right light I am stached but all other virtually invisible. I am the possessor of the rare and ultimately unquested for ninja stealth stach. What can you do? pics to follow